Cowboys and Angels

One of those promised updates! The world's coolest male red-head turned 21 and I was FINALLY able to be there to celebrate the joyous occasion with him and his family.

A berry Chantilly cake, friends and family helped to set the mood for this laid-back party. We went to his house after church and worship practice. Other then a blanket, Matthew received a lot of cash (to which he bought the pistol of his dreams that he very rarely leaves at home, lol).

The greatest part of this celebration had to of been that we celebrated it on May 27th--the day I made a choice that set the course for the rest of my life.

Friday, 8:30pm, May 27th of 2011 I looked Matthew in the eyes after we had been seperated that week. It was the most painful break-up either of us had ever experienced and I had so many questions and confusion. But amidst all of it, I KNEW in my gut--just knew--this cowboy from Texas was my inseparable best friend and partner-in-life. I used that whole week being apart to unearth that reality and speak with God just to make sure it was what I was supposed to do. Now everything hinged on if being with him was something I WANTED to go through. I knew it would mean a lot of sacrafices HAD to be made and heartache on different fronts would happen; was the cost worth it to me? Would I have the strength to let go of every comfort zone I ever held on to and dive into this great unknown, terribly wild, thrilling, exilerating, beautiful adventure called love and matrimony?

We stood outside leaning against his hunter green truck in the humid Louisiana evening. I wish I could remember every word that passed between us that night; every word about what we had gone through, what we discovered up to that point.





I wish I could reach out and catch in a bottle the perfume of all those emotions so that I might take it out years from now and smell its fragrance.

All I remember clearly was Matthew saying, "Rose, you have to make the choice. And make sure you don't second-guess this time around because my heart can't keep going through this pain (this was my 3rd time breaking up with him). I just can't do it anymore; If you need more time to decide, then that's okay; if you walk away, that's okay too! I will let you go...God has already helped me to let you go; I have the grace to walk away and not look back."

I looked at him, my head tilted to the side. He had on that infamous camouflage baseball cap that hid the expression in his eyes. But by the set of his jaw and calmness of his voice, I had no reason to distrust his statement. I knew he had laid me at the foot of the cross and placed it into God's hands. That was one thing about Matthew I love; he doesn't know how to lie.

I can remember thinking rapidly as time slowed down in that moment. I knew whatever path I chose, it would take me on two totally different directions in life. If I walked away, I would start a life in Kansas City with no ties to Louisiana. A fresh slate, a fresh start...but a hole in my heart that could never be filled by another.

If I gave him my heart, it would be the greatest adventure of love I could ever know.

I felt this overwhelming peace and surge of strength to face any storm as I calmly looked at him and smiled. Joy like I never felt before filled my entire body.

"Yes."

His face was clueless.
"Yes," I repeated. "I'm gonna marry you. I'll fight for you; I'll marry you. I don't want to spend my life with anybody else...I CAN'T spend my life with anybody else." It was the God-honest truth.

I didn't know it then, but his reaction was classic Matthew. He fell to his knees right in the middle of the parking lot and began to cry. I was so taken-aback; I've come from a family of men that never used to displayed their emotions so strongly in public. My first reaction was to demand he stand up and stop that nonsense.
But in that instant, I can remember hearing the Holy Spirit so strongly. "Don't tell him that; look at him long and hard. That's your husband, and you're going to want to remember this."

I recognized what a sweet moment this would always be in the resevoir of my heart; I can remember what it was like to feel that emotion rush over me. This was my husband; finally, after so many years and tears of waiting, he was right in front of me. Finally, I was going to start this journey of love I had craved all my life.
Finally, finally, I felt the gears of life shift and I was ready to fight for this love.


- - - - - - - -- - -

A year later, I stood in his family's kitchen as everyone sang Happy Birthday. I find myself smiling a lot in his house, his family just knows how to tap into the wells of joy in their simplistic lifestyles and tight-knit relationships.

I love to watch them interact; I see so many similarities between him and his parents, him and his brothers and even his extended relatives sometimes. And while every family has their flaws and frustrating moments, I don't think God could have grafted me in a better family tree through marriage.

I have learned so much while being a part of Matthew's life; I've grown spiritually, mentally, emotionally, lol even physically lol. I have learned how to just let go of perfection and stress and practice floating in the still waters of being content. I can't believe that it has only been one year that we have gone through three break-ups, a promise, an engagement, 7 months of separation, so many tears, so many joys, so many changes, so many thrills, so many moments that have matured us into the individuals you see standing today.

I wouldn't want it any other way; I have no regrets in the decisions I've made; he's the love of my life and best friend forever; I cannot wait to celebrate many more birthdays with him and his remarkable family...our remarkable family.

Happy Thursday,
~Rose